I Channeled My Grief Into Creating Community

To tell this story properly, I need to start with a short backstory.

I became a wife and a widow two months apart.

Yes, it was awful. And because it happened so fast, we had not yet merged households. Clothes, toiletries, and basic necessities were accounted for, but not a lifetime of stuff a person has accumulated by that stage of life.

So, other than one trailer full of clothes and things that had to go to the donation bin sooner than was comfortable, everything else landed in the basement so I could have the floors redone before moving in.

At the same time, I had rented out my own home, and all of my things were sitting in a pod in the driveway.

Even after the renovations were done and my things were brought inside, I was still in survival mode. Figuring out what to do with it all was lower on my list.

A year later, I found an online community group called Buy Nothing.

It was an interesting concept: a gift economy. You could take pictures of things you had and offer them to whomever you wanted. You could also ask to be considered for things others posted, or even make an ask for something you were thinking about getting. Sometimes someone else had exactly that thing sitting unused in their house.

With that model, I stuck my toe in the water and started making offers while unpacking the basement.

The truth is, I had a lot to offer.

I was consolidating the households of two senior people. I did not need two of everything. And honestly, things cost way too much to sit around unused.

It was overwhelming, but as I started gifting these things to neighbors who were so appreciative of them, it became addictive.

I could post six to twenty items in an evening, then come home from work the next day and decide who was going to get what.

I loved it.

Still, something was missing.

I was in a new community that felt very right for me. I could see people’s faces on my Ring camera as they made pickups, and sometimes I’d pop outside to say hello.

But I wanted more.

So I threw out an idea to the group: community was important to me, and I’d like to meet them. Then I opened my home for a Buy Nothing gathering.

It was pretty simple. I set out a puzzle, some take-home gifts, and a little food and beverage.

I was delighted when seven people showed up. One of them brought her guitar and sang for us.

The day was a hit, and it was quickly picked up by other members. People started claiming months to host their own Buy Nothing gatherings. Sometimes we go out because a friend and neighbor has a gig that night, and it feels good to support a fellow member.

I even got the opportunity to join one member for a Josh Johnson show after she posted that she had an extra ticket and her husband didn’t want to go.

Pick me!

How fun was that?

I love getting to know what different neighbors are passionate about.

One mom is a leader for Free Mom Hugs, and I love joining the group at her home when we spend a couple of hours making bracelets to share love and acceptance with people who need it.

Our Buy Nothing group also provides bi-monthly meals, along with frozen dishes, for Lost and Found Youth House.

While I’ve been in this group, I’ve dropped about sixty pounds. Support is not having to keep buying a new wardrobe every time your body changes. Support is constantly sharing what no longer fits with other members.

There is nothing quite like a round-robin bag of clothes, where you take out what you want, drop in what you want to get rid of, and pass it on to the next person.

I love going to the office and, when someone compliments my outfit, getting to smile and say:

“Buy Nothing!”

The lovely black-and-white vintage Kasper outfit you see on my home page was a Buy Nothing score, and I’ve never felt prettier.

What has really amazed me in the group is receiving acts of service.

One woman brought her husband to my home to drill a shelf into a brick wall for me. I had been taping and retaping that shelf for months because it was outside my skill set.

Another member took a delicate sweater I had and repaired a hole in the sleeve.

My most unusual gift fulfilled came when a branch was down in my yard and I asked for help moving it. A petite young woman came over with her machete and cut it up for me. She would whack it apart, and I would carry the pieces to a pile.

I was astonished.

I think it is accurate to say that at least a thousand items have passed through my gift bench since I joined. Some big, some very small, but all of them things that got to be used and loved by someone else.

Not everything that passed through was mine. My family loves that I do this, and they bring their things to me to post and give away.

I love having a bench that opens.

I love that things leave my house and become useful somewhere else.

I love that neighbors I might never have met now have names, faces, stories, passions, and occasionally machetes.

Mostly, I love that in a season when I was drowning in stuff and grief and decisions, I found a community where love gets exchanged in big and small ways.

I love my Buy Nothing community.